- Jeremy tests the BMW Z4 and the Nissan 370Z.
- The boys each buy a classic car to compete in the Rally in Mallorca.
- Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Brian Johnson.
Review: Jeremy reviewed the new BMW Z4 and the replacement of the Nissan 350Z, the Nissan 370Z. It involved Animatronic Walking With Dinosaurs and a bit of Springwatch. The BMW did it in 1:28.2, the Nissan in 1:27.5.
Challenge The team was told to go to a classic car auction with £3,000 to buy a pre-1982 car. Richard, who claimed he was ‘going ugly early’ brought the first lot, a 1953 Lanchester Fourteen, Jeremy bought the first convertible for sale, a 1969 Austin-Healey Sprite Mark IV, which Richard kept calling a MG Midget, for £3,600, so he reluctantly had to spend £600 of his own money on it, and James, after being cautious and being outbid on a Bristol 401, reluctantly had to buy the last item, a 1976 Citroën Ami, which was equipped with a starter handle inserted into the front of the car. After buying their cars, they were told to go to Majorca for the Rally Clásico Isla Mallorca (Majorca Classic Car Rally), a classic car regularity rally. Before they went though, Hammond, who repeatedly claimed that his grandfather had made his car, had to get his car an MOT. This proved difficult, as shown later in the show his long list of errors with the car.
After getting his car an MOT, Richard had run out of money to spend on preparing for the rally. Jeremy had removed the roof and painted green racing stripes down his car and inserted racing seats and a roll-bar, and James had fitted a spare tyre and shovel. They were told to race around a set route passing checkpoints at a set average speed of 50 km/h (31 mph) on public roads with traffic. Points were given for going too fast/too slow, and the one with the fewest points points won. The producers had also chosen their assistant drivers. Jeremy was given Joan Verger, the head of the Balearic Motorsport Federation and former SEAT works driver, who knew the roads well but didn’t speak English. Richard was given an English mechanic, Brian Wheeler, who is a little person, and ironically James was given glamour model and Page 3 girl Madison Welch. Jeremy bet £25 that he’d win, which the other two agreed with. At the rally there were many better cars, such as Lancia Stratos, Lancia Delta, Ford Mustang and many Porsche 911s. The co-drivers proved troublesome, as Jeremy struggled to communicate, Richard constantly and accidentally offended Brian with ‘short’ quips, and Madison was being very uncooperative and didn’t know much about car rallying. Jeremy won the challenge, with around 3,000 penalty points, by going too fast initially before reducing his speed due to a clutch fault. James came second with around 44,000 points, and Richard came last with 47,000 as he had frequent breakdowns, the lowest score ever in rallying history.
The next and final challenge was to run 3 Laps round a race track at the same lap time in all 3 laps. Everyone understood, except Jeremy who asked seriously, “If you break down, do you then have to repeatedly break down on the other 2 laps?” Jeremy did 2 very smooth laps at similar speeds, but on his final lap he went mad and raced a Ford Mustang who overtook him, as he said being overtaken is a sign of weakness, and James did 3 laps at the same time “to the nearest second.” At the end of the show, it was revealed that James had won in his Citroën Ami, therefore getting £50. After the races, James and Madison are seen having lunch on a picnic blanket. In voice over, Clarkson said, “All of us, in our own way… had fallen a little bit in love.”
At the end of the show, Jeremy said that all three of them loved their cars so much that they actually bought them for themselves off the BBC. Jeremy then revealed to Richard that he knew all along that the Lanchester in question was actually built at a factory in Wales, meaning that while someone’s grandfather probably worked on it, it certainly wasn’t Richard’s.
News: The three discuss the new Range Rover, and talk about its many cameras. Jeremy mentions using the rear camera view to look at a pretty lady behind him zooming in. He compares this to directing Wimbledon. They also discuss the idea of driving somewhere and then getting off and going on public transport, and compare it to going to the cinema and then seeing a sign saying “Have you thought about reading a book?”. They also talked about the Morris Marina that they had destroyed in the prior episode, and show a film clip of Carla Bruni singing a song about how much she wanted her Marina back and how much she hates the 3 presenters (she hates James the most).
Star In a Reasonably Priced Car: AC/DC front man Brian Johnson sets a quick lap around the track of 1:45.9, tied for 2nd place with Kevin McCloud and Simon Cowell.
“Some say that on Thursdays he becomes incredibly bulbous, and that recently pigs in Mexico have started to die of something called Stig Flu. All we know is he’s highly contagious.”
Stig Power Laps
Star in a Reasonably Priced Car