Challenges How hard could it be? Top Gear Series 9

Top Gear: Series 9, Episode 1

  • Jeremy, Richard and James attempt to re-surface a road within 24hours.
  • Jeremy compares the Jaguar XKR against the Aston Martin V8 Vantage.
  • Richard’s first show since the Vampire dragster crash – the incident footage is shown and explained.
  • Star in a Reasonably Priced Car: Jamie Oliver.

Episode Guide

Intro: Clarkson and May welcome Hammond back after his crash in the Vampire. They use an aeroplane entry staircase from EasyJet and dancing girls because Clarkson says quality steps cost over £300. Clarkson enquires if he (Hammond) “is a mental.” Hammond responds that he is completely fixed and that despite the brain damage, the only personality difference he has noticed is, ”I like celery now and I didn’t before.” Richard thanks everyone for giving him support while he was hospitalised.

Challenge: The presenters decide that the duration of road repairs is appalling, especially since you never see roadworkers actually working. So they decide to take matters into their own hands and resurface a stretch of the D5481 (sic)(also named Grafton Lane) near Bidford-on-Avon themselves, to prove that work which normally takes up a week can be done in 24 hours. It falls apart quickly, as May’s sense of direction causes traffic mishaps, Nineteen Eighty-Four-like speeches from Clarkson, tarmac supply issues (which include a cameraman accidentally pressing the emergency stop at the quarry), bad weather, and Mrs. Thatcher speeches blaring out in the late-night/early-morning period cause problems, but the road gets finished by the 9:07 a.m. deadline.

Star In A Reasonably Priced Car: Jamie Oliver talks about his campaign for healthier lunches for schoolchildren, his passion for organic food, and his quest to beat Gordan Ramsay’s power lap time. Jamie sets a time of 1:47.7 during wet conditions (although he insists it was snowy). Upon hearing that the slush would garner him a 4 second handicap, Oliver moved his time magnet to the top of the board (above fellow chef and rival Gordon Ramsay).

Review: Jeremy reviews the Jaguar XKR against the Aston Martin V8 Vantage. Although the Aston is better in some parts (better looking, louder, more aggressive, higher pedigree), Clarkson notes that the Jaguar is able to keep up with the Aston around the Top Gear track. The Jag also more powerful, better equipped, more practical, and less expensive than the Aston. As Clarkson puts it, “It is quite simply spectacular.” The Stig turns in a Power Lap time of 1:34.7 in “very, very, very” wet conditions. This episode’s Stig intro (by Clarkson): “Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp and that long before anyone else, he realised that Jade Goody was a racist, pig-faced, waste of blood and organs. All we know is, he’s called The Stig!”

The News: No news this episode. Instead, Hammond takes James and Jeremy (and the studio and broadcast audience) through the events leading up to and including his crash in the Vampire dragster. After some good-natured ribbing at Richard’s expense, Jeremy admits that Hammond was very brave for attempting to drive the Vampire in the first place. Hammond responds with a simple request that they not talk about it ever again – to which they agree. Despite this, the occasional oblique reference pops up from time to time in future shows (almost always in a comedic way).

Some say…

“Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp, and that long before anyone else he realised that Jade Goody was a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

Stig Power Laps

Jaguar XKR
1:34.70 (very wet)

Star in a Reasonably Priced Car

Jamie Oliver
1:47.70 (wet)

Music

Hammond’s Return:
01:54 – 02:44 – Diana Ross – Upside Down

Top Gear Road Works, Pt. 1:
06:20 – 06:51 – American Gypsy – Inside Out
06:56 – 07:00 – Sean Callery – ‘24’ Theme
07:00 – 07:05 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
07:21 – 08:04 – The Dust Brothers – What is Fight Club
08:04 – 08:06 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
08:27 – 09:03 – Ron Goodwin & His Orchestra – Colonel Bogey and the River Kwai March
09:09 – 09:22 – Ron Goodwin & His Orchestra – Colonel Bogey and the River Kwai March
09:22 – 09:26 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
09:26 – 09:49 – Gustav Holst – Mars, the Bringer of War
09:53 – 10:12 – Tony Hatch – Theme from Crossroads
10:13 – 11:07 – Jimi Hendrix – Voodoo Child (Slight Return)
11:13 – 12:29 – Sean Callery – Up and Down Stairs
13:03 – 13:08 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
13:08 – 13:49 – The Dust Brothers – Medula Oblongata
13:55 – 14:08 – The Dust Brothers – Stealing Fat
14:33 – 14:56 – Sean Callery – Up and Down Stairs
15:18 – 15:40 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
15:53 – 16:14 – The Dust Brothers – What is Fight Club
16:14 – 16:48 – Dropkick Murphys – I’m Shipping Up To Boston

Jaguar XKR vs. Aston Martin Vantage:
27:09 – 28:03 – John Ottman – The Killing of a Rat
28:18 – 29:08 – Kasabian – Ovary Stripe
29:13 – 29:34 – Kasabian – Ovary Stripe
29:36 – 29:52 – John Ottman – Main Theme – The Usual Suspects
29:50 – 29:54 – John Ottman – Saving the World
29:53 – 30:21 – Harry Gregson-Williams – Sanchez Family
30:21 – 31:12 – Kula Shaker – Hey Dude
31:25 – 31:30 – John Ottman – Saving the World
31:25 – 32:42 – Mogwai – We’re No Here
32:42 – 33:41 – Hans Zimmer – Tribal War
33:43 – 34:20 – The Prodigy – Shoot Down
34:22 – 35:08 – Mogwai – Auto Rock

Top Gear Road Works, Pt. 2:
38:45 – 38:58 – Dropkick Murphys – I’m Shipping Up To Boston
39:24 – 39:49 – The Dust Brothers – What is Fight Club
39:49 – 39:53 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
39:53 – 40:16 – Mel Wesson – Cut and Run
40:36 – 41:56 – Ennio Morricone – Per un Pugno di Dollari
41:59 – 42:20 – John Debney – Warrior Woman
42:26 – 42:44 – Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge Over Troubled Water
42:53 – 42:57 – Sean Callery – 24: The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
42:57 – 43:04 – The Dust Brothers – Commissioner Castration
43:04 – 43:23 – Warren Zevon – Werewolves of London
43:23 – 43:31 – The Dust Brothers – Commissioner Castration
43:31 – 43:36 – Ennio Morricone – Quasi Morto
43:36 – 43:42 – The Dust Brothers – Commissioner Castration
43:42 – 43:54 – Ennio Morricone – Quasi Morto
43:54 – 43:58 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
43:58 – 44:14 – Warren Zevon – Werewolves of London
44:27 – 45:26 – Katrina and the Waves – Walking on Sunshine
45:26 – 45:29 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
45:29 – 45:41 – The Doors – Riders on the Storm (Ibizarre Mix)
46:09 – 46:21 – Blur – Sing
46:21 – 46:25 – Sean Callery – The Longest Day (Armin van Buuren Remix)
46:25 – 47:06 – Kasabian – Sun/Rise/Light/Flies (Instrumental)
47:15 – 47:51 – Kasabian – Sun/Rise/Light/Flies (Instrumental)

Screenshots

Rating: 9.5/10. From 6 votes.
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2 comments

glory June 5, 2014 at 6:45 pm

Jamie Oliver was a real stubborn cock in this one.

Reply
Top gear guy January 26, 2015 at 3:25 am

Now why is Hammonds first episode back excluded from so many different forms of seeing this show

Reply

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